4 attitudes that are making you angry

by rodney on April 4, 2013

A quote that has always stuck with me throughout my life comes from The Empire strikes back. Yoda is talking with Luke about falling victim to “the dark side” when he says that fear leads to anger, anger leads to, hate leads to suffering.

Anger is something that I have struggled with, just as many men do. When I was angry, my life was not a happy and fulfilling one, which is why that quote stuck with me.  Over the course of the last 10 or so years, I’ve been able to let go of a lot of my anger, leading to a more satisfactory life.

What I have discovered through this process is that a lot of what was making me angry was attitudes that I held. By changing these attitudes, I was able to see the world through a different perspective and finally, I was able to shed a lot of my anger issues.

I have listed 4 typical attitudes held by men that result in anger, why it leads to anger and the attitudes needed to overcome it.

Emotion is weakness

A lot of men believe this misconception that emotions such as fear, sadness, depression, anxiety etc. are a sign of weakness. In order to remain “strong” and avoid the stigma and ridicule of being seen as weak, men typically hide these emotions behind anger, which not a pure emotion but a masking emotion.  By adopting the attitude that emotions are normal, men are free to be vulnerable. True strength and resilience isn’t gained from refusing to crumble under emotions but comes from being able to rebuild after crumbling. By allowing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable, you can purge the negative emotions you feel and rebuild yourself stronger, more resilient and free from anger.

 

I must be in control

The paradigm of men needing to be dominant and masters of their universe leads to this attitude. When people don’t feel in control, they experience fear, panic and stress which then leads to anger.  The reality is we can’t control everything.  This attitude is at the heart of domestic violence, people fear that they will lose people in their lives or that people need to behave in a certain way and so they attempt to control people using violence and fear.  By adopting the attitude of I can’t control everything so I will only control what I can, will lead to an acceptance of people and situations which will cause happiness. Also, if you were to only focus on control those things you can, you experience more control over your life, leading to less fear and less anger.

 

Victim mentality

Many people hold a victim mentality attitude. This is the belief that people are  a victim of the negative actions of others, and to think, speak and act as if that were the case – even if the absence of clear evidence. When people believe they are a victim, they experience oppression which then manifests as anger.  People can change this attitude by claiming responsibility for themselves and their situations and not blaming others for their circumstances.  Even if things are not “your fault” you can choose how you react and be in control of changing your situation. This will result in empowerment. You can’t be a victim when you’re empowered and you will have more control over your life.

 

An eye for an eye/ Revenge

When we are wronged, it feels like there is an imbalance in the universe. We don’t feel right until we have found justice. The problem with this is that often, justice is not in our control, and when we don’t get the justice we seek, we often seek revenge and won’t be satisfied until we get it. This causes anger, have you ever heard of the saying revenges digs two graves? What we can do is adopt an attitude of forgiveness.  The popular belief is that forgiveness is when we forget about being wronged and we tell people that everything is ok. That is not what forgiveness is. Forgiveness is when we work through anger you are experiencing and being free of it, regardless of whether you have found justice. This means you are not reliant on external factors that control your anger. Personally, this is one of the biggest attitudes that I have adopted in being free of my anger.

 

Attitudes are fundamentally important to how we think, feel and ultimately behave as our attitudes are the seeds from which feelings and behaviours grow.  Changing my own attitudes has helped me greatly in being able to help me grow and change.  Any changes you need to make begin with changing your attitude.

 

 

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