Everything is simple

by rodney on November 20, 2013

complicatedOften I hear clients saying to me that their problems, their situation is complicated. Everything is complicated. Even some relationships on Facebook are complicated. People even describe themselves as complex, meaning “I’m complicated”.

When people tell me that everything is complicated, what I take them to mean is “I don’t understand”. I don’t believe anything is complicated. I believe that everything is simple. It’s only when our problems and circumstances are simplified that we can solve them.

Half of my job is helping my clients simplify problems so that we can then solve them (which would be the other half of my job).

What I’m going to share with you now are the 3 most common types of “complicated” situations and how you can simplify them.

Mixed emotions

Having mixed emotions, particularly in a relationship setting is going to cause any situation to become complicated.  Reason being is that we use emotions to help us make important decisions. When our emotions are mixed, we can’t easily make those decisions, especially when logic tells you which way to go. This is often seen in situations where logic tells someone to end a relationship or leave their partner but the emotional investment is high and it makes it hard to do so. On one hand people know this is not the right situation but on the other hand, I love them! I often see this in domestic violence situations.  How do we make this simpler? Take out the emotions.  Draw up a logical list of pros and cons and even logically think how your future will look if you don’t change. Once the answer is clear from a logical point of view, act on that. You’ll be amazed at how your emotions will change one you start to make things happen.

Unclear direction

Another situation where people throw up their hands and say “it’s complicated” when they are unclear about their direction. Many people will have this sense of wanting something different or something more and are still unable to take those steps despite a large amount of opportunities.  The reason why this happen is that people are just unclear on the direction they want to go or what they want to do. The way to simplify this problem is to find that clear direction. One way would be to start with what you know you want. Ask yourself “what do I want?” and take that first answer. It will be broad and vague but that’s ok. For example, you might want to be happy.  Next you begin to list all the things and or circumstances that make you happy or have made you happy in the past. Once you have that list then you know what to gradually enter into your life. Another way would be to find every opportunity you can and do them. This way you’ll be testing everything you can until you find what it is that you want to do. You find a lot of things you don’t want, but that’s ok. Once you know that’s not what you’re after, you can move on.

Explaining adult concepts to children

This is often difficult as to understand a lot of adult concepts; children need to have a fair amount of experiential knowledge that is hard to teach. These include concepts and lessons that people learn through everyday life.  So in this respect it is complicated for the children to fully understand, however, when parents through up their hands and say it’s complicated is when they become frustrated at not being to fully explain things to children, especially if they end up asking “why?” all the time. The way to simplify this problem is to understand and accept that you won’t be able to fully explain the concept, that there are pieces missing in children’s learning that will fill in with time and experience.  So, how do you explain adult concepts to children? Well first, explain things in smaller blocks of information, that way the child doesn’t become overloaded with info. Then, use words and concepts that are age appropriate. Then, in between each block, check out that your child understands. As long as they keep saying yes, or you can see that they do get it, keep explaining.  As soon as they say no, or look confused, say to them “That’s alright. As you get older, you will begin to understand”. Then refocus their attention on something else.

Once your problems are simplified, their easier to solve, easier to live with and cause much less stress and anxiety.  If you’re having trouble simplifying complex issues in your life, consider seeking professional help.

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