How can I save my marriage?

by rodney on February 23, 2015

Couple-Fighting-angry-smallerI had a woman contact me the other day. She was very upset as she told me her story. I won’t go into too much detail about it but the gist of it was she was having issues with her husband. What her entire call boiled down to was the last sentence she asked me how can I save my marriage?

All couples will be in a crisis at various points in their relationship. While some won’t be able to navigate their way through it and ultimately break up, some will and will be a much stronger couple for it.

I look at it like going to the gym. At the time it’s painful, draining and awful, when it’s over you’re better off for it. That’s why I call these times a relationship workout.

So how can you get through the workout and potentially save your relationship? Here’s 5 things that will help you through your relationship workout.

Communicate clearly and fully

Communication is your biggest tool in your relationship. A lot arguments and fights start because of unclear communication.  Effective communication is when what you say and what you mean match. Also, don’t supress anything. If you have something that you need to say then say it. Not speaking up will only allow unspoken issues to fester and cause resentment down the track.

Be accountable

So many couples blame issues on their partner, other people and even circumstances. While all these do play a part in issues, you also need to accept the part you’ve played and the part you can play in resolving the issue. You can’t change what you can’t acknowledge and you can only change what you can control- your actions, your decisions, your choices.

Aim for a win/win

When we’re in a conflict, we often want to be right. We put so much time and energy into our side of the argument that we become too invested to have any sort of flexibility or compromise. The problem is when someone wins like this, the other person must loose which breeds resentment, anger, bitterness even the need for “revenge” in the next argument. This won’t save your marriage, what will is a win/win outcome. Look for areas where you can compromise. Work out what points are important and what points are not so important and create a solution where you are both heard, validated and get what you want.

Keep your emotions in check

Crisis of any kind will bring up all kinds of negative emotions. This is normal, however, the downside is when we become emotional, we can’t think logically. What can often happen is a spiral of acting from emotions which makes the situation worse. We need to keep our emotions in check. If you feel yourself becoming emotional, take some time out. Allow yourself to experience these emotions, vent them, process them and release them. This will then allow you to work through your crisis logically.

Seek help

Sometimes, a crisis is too intense, too painful and even too much for us to handle all by ourselves. This is when the help of an independent , unbiased third party is helpful. They can offer you an outside perspective and help work through your crisis. If you need help to save your relationship, consider seeking professional counselling.

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