Is my relationship worth saving? Questions you must ask yourself.

by rodney on May 5, 2012

A healthy, long lasting relationship takes time and a lot of hard work if it is to be successful. On a long enough time frame, all relationships go through rough times as well as easier times, ideally, the good times are worth all the work and effort of the bad times. Sometimes, couples just need to hang in there and continue working before they find peace.

There are also those relationships that are so toxic, they must end. The only way some people can find happiness is for the relationship to end. These relationships bring misery to their participants and doom them to an unfulfilled life.

But how do you know if your relationship is one of those? How do you know if you need to just hang in there or give it flick? Basically how do you know if a relationship is worth saving? To help you figure this out, here are a few questions you should first ask yourself.

Am I safe in this relationship?

The first and most important quality of any relationship is safety. Is it safe for you to be in this relationship? While safe from physical violence is important, I’m not just talking about that. Are you safe from psychological abuse? Does your partner call you names, tease you, belittle and or humiliate you? Does your partner threaten you? Also does your partner isolate you from family, friends and/or the community? Do they manipulate you? Do they control you by withholding money from you? All these are indicators of a domestic violence situation. If you find any of these you need to leave this relationship as soon as possible. It is not just women who are at risk from domestic violence either; men are at just as much risk from violence by women.

What am I getting out of this relationship?

This is something most people don’t ask themselves often enough. What do we get out of our relationships or better yet, what is the benefit of being in this relationship? Why are you in it? As humans we need relationships because we get support, love, companionship, compassion, happiness, connection and hope from them. What are you getting out of your relationship?

Do I see a future with this person?

A successful relationship, ideally, lasts a lifetime. Let’s face it, we never meet anyone hoping that we’ll marry this person and divorce them afterwards. When we get into relationships, we intend to make them last. That’s why it’s crucial that we can see our partners in our future. Do you see your partner by your side in old age? If the answer is no, then this relationship is not worth saving, it’s due to end pretty soon. Do you and your partner share the same goals and dreams? In order to make a life and a future with another person, it is important that you share the same goals and dreams for that future. Everyone has dreams of how their future will be and attaining that dream will mean happiness for you. If two people have different dreams in a relationship, one of you or maybe both will end up unhappy because they have not fulfilled their dream. I was recently in a relationship and even though our relationship was good in so many areas, we had very different ideas for the future. I wanted to live in Sydney and have an exciting life. She wanted to live in the country and have a quiet life. Even though we tried hard to work it out so we could both be fulfilled, it was obvious one of us would end up very miserable in a life we didn’t want. Ultimately the relationship had to end so we could both be happy. Does your dreams conflict with your partners or do they work together?

Does my partner put as much work into the relationship than me?

A relationship is a two way street. For that street to work harmoniously, both partners need to put equal work into the relationship. When only one person puts in the work, that person often becomes overwhelmed, overloaded underappreciated and resentful, which is certain to end a relationship very quickly. Also, if your partner puts in little to no work in building, maintain and/or saving the relationship, that might be an indicator of how much (or correctly how little) they value the relationship. A relationship that your partner doesn’t value isn’t worth saving.

Hopefully the answers to these questions have helped you to clarify whether your relationship is worth saving. If you are still confused and unsure, I suggest you seek some counselling might help to make your decision.



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