Taking off the Anger mask

by rodney on December 2, 2013

anger maskAnger is an emotion that we’re all familiar with. At some point we have all experienced anger both from within ourselves and from others. We’ve all had anger expressed to us and seen it directed at others and we’re all aware of the consequences of anger.

What most of us don’t know about anger is that it is not a pure emotion. It is a masking emotion. We wear it to protect ourselves from emotions and circumstances that are painful. This means that while it is normal to be angry, we are not authentic when we are angry and in fact being angry won’t solve the cause of the problem.

If we want to get into the heart of what is causing us pain, we must go beyond our anger. We must take off that angry mask and reveal what is behind. It is only then we can be authentic, vulnerable and able to heal our pain. For most of us, that is a difficult and terrifying prospect. Here are 3 ways you move past your anger so you can begin to heal the pain underneath.


In order to get your anger out of the way, you must first vent that anger out of your system. This is not a licence to go crazy and start being destructive. There are many healthy ways to vent your anger such as physical activity like running, walking, sport or yoga, journaling, talking it out with a friend and even deep breathing exercises. Keep doing this until the anger has depleted will help to break down a barrier allowing you to get deeper into the problem.

Look at the problem

Now that you’ve got rid of the immediate angry feeling, you can look at the problem logically. Think of the problem as an onion with many layers. What you need to do now is start to peel back the layers. Begin with questions such as what happened?  Or who did what? Then start to go a little deeper with questions such as how did I feel? How did I react? And then what happened? Allow yourself to go deeper into your past by asking questions like has this happened before? Is this a past experience? The more questions you ask yourself and the deeper and more honest you allow yourself to go, the clearer the picture you will get. As best as possible, try little events with emotional reactions.

Seek help

This can be a difficult process to go through on your own, so if you are having trouble, seek help from a professional counsellor. They can help you to explore each layer. If you do manage to get through to the core problem yourself, then you will need professional help in resolving it.

Allowing yourself to be angry is really not allowing yourself to deal with and resolve your problems. Fixing anything involves work to dig through the layers and uncover the core problem. Think how much better your life can be if that core problem is solved.

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