Why do people divorce?

by Rodney on March 2, 2015

couple getting divorced

Marriage isn’t what it used to be. Back in the “good old days” when our grand parents and great
grand parents were in charge, divorce was uncommon and even by many standards, unacceptable.
People would stick out their marriages, despite what state it was in. Today, divorce is very
acceptable and much more common place.
Currently in Australia, the divorce rate is around 60%. If you’re in your second marriage, that rate is
around 80% and 90% for 3 or more times down the alter. The odds are against you if you’re planning
to have a lasting and successful marriage.
The biggest trend in divorce today is the rate that older people are getting divorced. Why, would
people who have been “happily married” for more than 20 years all of a sudden get divorced?
Reason is that their kids are finally grown. All of this tells me that people are now no longer willing to
put up in a marriage that no longer suits them.
So why is it that these marriages are no longer suiting people and why do people get divorced?
Here’s five of the most common reasons why.
Independence
Back in the day, men and women needed to be married for survival. Men needed women to look
after them on a nurturing level, ie cook, clean maintain the house etc. and women needed men to
look after them on a safety and security level ie protect them from danger, be the family bread
winner etc. People were not totally independent. Today that has changed. We are much more
independent. Both men and women can look after themselves without the need for another
partner. We are now at a place where we don’t need to be married, we choose to be. This means it
is easier to make the decision to divorce or leave if a relationship no longer serves us. This is actually
a good thing, for it means people will be much happier in the long run. It will also force people to lift
their game if they want beat the odds and have a lasting marriage.
Grow apart
Whatever happens in life, we change. It is a natural part of life. Either we choose to make a change
or it will happen to us. We can also choose to make positive changes, or let negative changes
happen. This is called growth. Over time, the individuals in a relationship will change and grow. What
can sometimes happen is that couple start to grow apart, especially if one person makes the choice
about their growth and the other one doesn’t. You have to grow together. This can be done by
seeking counselling, coaching or education such as programs and workshops together.
Too much negativity
Couples will inevitably have differences in opinion, wants, needs etc. These differences can cause
conflict which needs to be resolved. What happens when couples try to resolve conflict is that it
ends up in a fight which then creates negative emotional baggage for both involved. Fights happen
because of the inability to effectively communicate and resolve conflict. Learning effective
communication skills and conflict resolution strategies will help to reduce the negative baggage that
builds up and then learning how to release and clear that baggage will help to stop it growing. Stale
The longer we’re in the relationship, the more comfortable we are in it. When we’re comfortable,
we stop growing, we stop making an effort, we prioritise other things and other people over our
partner and our relationship and we start to take the other one for granted. This is when our
relationship becomes stale and boring. Eventually that spark dies out. We need that spark, that
excitement to keep our relationship interesting and alive. If not we seek it from others. To keep your
relationship from becoming stale, focus on it., give it priority and change things up every once in a
while.
Unbalanced power dynamics
Power dynamics are a vital part of any interpersonal relationships, especially in romantic ones. In
order to feel safe, we need to maintain our personal power and that can be taken too far by a
partner who tries to make themselves feel safe by taking your personal power. This is, esstentially,
what domestic violence is all about. In a relationship, the power balance must be equal. There will
be times when you need to keep your power for yourself, but there are also times when you need to
give that power to your partner. We do this sometimes without thinking about, if your child is sick,
you give power to the Doctor trying to make them better, then, they give you some of that back by
asking consent to operate, do tests etc.

Share the Love
Get Free Updates

Previous post:

Next post: